Lovely Madness: A Players Rockstar Romance (Players, Book 4) by Jaine Diamond

Author:Jaine Diamond [Diamond, Jaine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: DreamWarp Publishing Ltd.
Published: 2020-12-01T00:00:00+00:00

We went to shower in the poolhouse, then I made Taylor eat some food and drink a ton of water. Then I slept next to her in her bed in the poolhouse. I couldn’t let her out of my sight after all the vodka.

Just the thought of anything happening to her made the blackness creep in around the edges of my vision. And because I was kinda drunk, it was worse. Harder to control. I had a terrible, restless sleep.

I kept jerking awake in the night to check that she was okay.

That she was still breathing.

That she hadn’t thrown up on herself and suffocated, or fallen and hit her head.

We really didn’t drink all that much. She seemed pretty sober, considering, by the time we went to bed. But it was just my anxious nature. I couldn’t even rest.

It wasn’t because I loved her.

It was just my nature to worry.

I liked her. That was all.

And I felt responsible for her. The vodka was my idea, and she was here because of me.

No matter what she said about two people being what they were and feeling what they felt from the moment they met, or how right she might’ve been about that, I wasn’t falling in love with her. I knew that much.

That kind of thing took a fearlessness I just didn’t possess.

Maybe I used to. But not anymore.

Anyway, as I lay in her bed in the middle of the night, sleepless, I knew Taylor Lawson didn’t need a man like me. She needed someone fearless, like her.

Someone who meandered around life’s rules and really didn’t give much of a fuck about them, deep down. Someone who laughed out loud at crude comedy specials, who splashed around and did cannonballs when they were in a pool, and picked the vodka with the coolest bottle. Someone who knew how to have fun and not always take every moment of life so damn seriously.

Sure, I could bend the rules, even break them, in the studio, and in bed.

But in life?

I’d pretty much opted out of life in general a few years back.

In. Out.

My career and sex; those were the only two parts of my so-called life that I gave a damn about anymore, and the second one I’d only really showed up for recently—when Taylor came along.

Those were the only parts of my life where she fit.

Where I had a need for her.

I’d told her when I hired her that I didn’t need anything. But that wasn’t true.

I needed a distraction from myself. And it didn’t hurt that she could help me blow off steam while I was working on this album.

I’d had Bliss before, but now I had her. The sex was better, the conversation was better, the convenience was better, and anyway, I liked her.

That didn’t mean I ever had to love her.

She might’ve liked me, but she definitely didn’t know me well enough to love me. She was a smart woman.

She’d figure out that she didn’t love me, that she couldn’t love me, long before she ever got that deep.

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